The Time Traveler’s Boss

Wow. Since beginning this blog in January, I have had over 7 million views! Great job everyone. I’m really glad you are reading. [7 mill give or take 6 999 273…actually just take 6 999 273]

These are the sneakers I am wearing today.

Since receiving them as a Christmas Present two years ago, I have worn them legitimately three times. I have worn them illegitimately four times. The shoes are stiff and uncomfortable to walk in let alone commute in. I am forced to ride on the escalator instead of walking up the steps. There goes my exercise for the day.

The bus driver drove at rapid speed this morning at one point I was propelled from my seat as we sped over a bump in the road. I was slouched over reading, sitting in the second to last row the entire time which provoked the bus driver to come over the loud speaker and out of nowhere said, “hun are you asleep back there?” I popped up from my seat quickly so she could see I was, in fact, awake. “I’m reading my Patterson book, bitch” I screamed to her. I’m just joking about the last part, but she did inquire about my status. This happened right before I was to depart from the bus. I pressed the red button as we approached 39th street and after a minute of so, the bus driver comes back over the loud speaker and says, “start making your way to the front”. I did as I was told and stood. When I got to the front, I felt the need to explain myself being like, “The fact that I was reading the whole time combined with the tilt of my body made it seem I had fallen asleep, when in fact, I was awake.” Instead, I said “thank you” and she pressed the gas pedal before I even exited the vehicle.

I’m thinking of making this my new facebook picture…thoughts?

Where is that third hand coming from? suspicious. This picture represents my true loves in life, the things I live for: money, bunnies with crazy eyes…and anything buffalo chicken [including but not limited to buffalo chkn dip, buffalo chkn nachos, buffalo chkn wings]

If there is a word I do not know when I read, I have started to jot down the word, then look up the definition, writing it down in my memo-grid style book.

Above is an example of some of the new words I learned. I went into my boss’s office this morning and said “So, Tom [his real name is censored for legal purposes]…So, Tom, what was the first jalopy you ever purchased when you were a teenager?” He looked up soothingly and said, “When I was your age, the only jalopy I owned was a horse and carriage.” With a confused look on my face, I started walking backwards out of the room missing the doorway, hitting into the shelving unit. A framed certificate fell into my hands. It was Tom’s birth certificate saying he was born in 1843. I think he may be a time traveller. More information to follow.

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