“7 Blogging Tips” Executed

I read an article that gave 7 tips to make your blog more successful. It was known as “7 Blogging Tips”. Here they are:

1. Write to be helpful.

Of course, I cannot be physically helpful to you, like helping to carry in your groceries, but I can be mentally helpful. [I can be physically helpful to any co-workers reading this and are within a 10 foot radius of my desk. If you are further than 10 ft away, consider coming over and pushing me in my desk chair to the area where you need help] Here is a topic I can help you with: How to make a friend. Say you are in the elevator at work/school/in your mansion. There is a girl in the elevator with you. [if you are in your mansion elevator with a girl, I would hope/assume you know her already. But let’s say she is your new maid and you want to be her friend.] Here are the steps you should take to make her your friend

Make eye contact with her. Smile. As you are smiling at her, look her up and down to see if, perhaps, she has an item on her that you could make conversation about. For example, if she has a pin [broach] in the shape of a drop of blood, you can immediately Ask her “Oh, have you donated blood before?” Hopefully she will respond with a “yes” and you can converse about your feelings on the donation of blood. If you have a tattoo, you can say, “I think people with tattoos should be able to donate blood.” If you don’t have a tattoo, you can say, “I don’t think people with tattoos should be able to donate blood.” She will agree or disagree with you and you should agree with her comeback. If she’s getting off on the floor with the cafeteria [you have a cafeteria in your mansion? cool!] then suggest that you have lunch together. There is a possibility that she may think you are trying to pick her up romantically, but reassure her that you just want a new friend to braid each other’s hair, paint each other’s nails, and wear the other half of your “best friends heart” necklace.

2. Be brief.

Why not be boxer?

3. Tell a story.

In all of my blogs to follow this one, I will tell a story. Here it goes: There once was a young girl named Little Red Riding Hood who lived in the forest. Did her parents name her this consciously knowing they would always dress her in a red hood? Did they call her something else when the hood was in the laundry? Should I have my friends call me Medium White Sitting T-Shirt? Little Red and her older brother, Big Red [the inventor of the cinnamony Big Red gum] were skipping through the forest singing “Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Mittens” when they came across a house made of gingerbread and candy!!! They opened the door to the house and a man named Willy Wonka invited them in and said, “Good Morning Starshine, the earth says Hello” They exchanged high fives. Willy’s eyes became evil. He introduced the children to his wife named “Jacob from Twilight’. [that was literally her name, “Jacob from Twilight]. Little and Big Red, Willy, and Jacob from Twilight were sitting by the fireplace when Little Red Riding Hood said to the wife, “What big eyes you have”. “Just like Lady Gaga in the Bad Romance video”, the wife responded. Willy clapped his hands and “Bad Romance” started to play. They danced for hours and hours until “Jacob from Twilight” ripped off her clothes, revealed her wolf demeanor and ate everyone for supper. The three bears that came home to their candy house, and had a long night ahead of them, having to use their ax to rescue them from the wolf’s stomach.

4. Share. Often.

There are many things I am willing to share often with you including: A bath towel, a piece of white bread, a plastic fork, a pair of white socks, a bobby pin, a white piece of paper, secrets, good times and laughter.

5. Connect with others. If appropriate.

“How do you determine if it’s appropriate?” is the real question.

6. Don’t overthink it. [It’s a blog, not a dissertation]

My blog is actually my dissertation. I’m going to NYU grad school for my masters and this is my dissertation.

7. Publish often enough to build a relationship.

These days, relationships are maintained majorly through the internet/cell phones. In order to build a relationship between you and I, I am willing to do whatever it takes. For example, if you need me to send you a morning text saying, “Have a nice day, I love you”, I will do so in a heartbeat. Of course, It would be physically impossible to type a text and send it in one heart beat, therefore, I will do it for you in 5 heartbeats.

I am excited to incorporate these steps into my blogs. It makes me happy knowing I will prosper from all the money my blog will make. I’m only joking. I write this blog for myself. I learned from my professor in college that you should not do things just for the purpose of becoming famous, but to please yourself.