Have you ever have one of those mornings where you wake up, get to work, and just know not only is the day going to be great, but you feel confident that everything in your life will fall into place exactly the way you’ve always dreamed? Well, that is not how I felt this morning. There are many things, pertaining to my life, that I still need to figure out. See numbered list below:
1. What time bus should I get in the morning? I aim to commute from Staten Island to Manhattan [where I work as a production assistant] on the x9 bus. A bus with an “x” in it’s title defines the vehicle as “Express”. It does not make local stops. For the past 10 months, my bus has arrived at 8:45am. That was a perfect time for me because I could awake at 8’oclock giving me enough time to get dressed, eat a granola bar, and train myself in learning the first movement of Bach’s cantata, Wie schön leuchtet der Morgenstern on the piano; which roughly translated means, “How beautifully shines the morning star.” I figured if I spent 15 minutes a morning perfecting intense wrist stretches I’d learn the cantata in no time.
The 8:45am bus gets me into work by 9:45am, which is the perfect 15 minutes to prepare to start my 10am day.
Every March 1st, bus drivers across the Island switch routes. My x9 driver Samson took the x1 route, replacing Joanne. The x2 driver Martino took the x3 route, replacing Connie Jones. The x7 driver, James Lipton [yes, the actual Inside the Actor’s Studio Host James Lipton] replaced x10 driver Liza Starbucks [who is the grandaughter of Mr. Starbucks who invented the coffee chain, Starbucks]
In today’s society “March Madness” refers to the “neck-in-neck” College Basketball Tournament that ensues in the month of March. However, not many know that the original “March Madness” was derived in the 1920s when the first “Bus Swap” occurred. Of course, in those times, “Buses” were vehicles made from hallowed out stone like the car the cartoon character Fred Flintstone drives in The Flintstones. Over 30 bus drivers were required per bus, because they were set in motion by foot power. “All at once,” the head bus driver would scream. The 30 bus drivers would move their feet as if they were running while seated. The problem with these “stone” buses, was it could only hold three passengers at a time. The 30 to 3 bus driver to passenger ratio, which can also be looked at as the 10 to 1 ratio [shoutout high school algebra], was inefficient and just utterly ridiculous in my personal opinion. Alas, when March 1st rolled around, the annual Bus Swap occurred and 30 upon 30 upon 30 bus drivers swapped routes, resulting in March Madness.
Flash back to reality. Since my x9 bus driver was swapped, the new one gets to the bus stop at 8:20, not 8:45am, giving me a lot less time to get ready in the morning; no time at all for my wrist stretches. It also gets me to the City earlier, giving me 45 minutes of free time before work. Which I could be using to stretch my wrists! It’s a vicious circular cycle.
What bus should I take? I still don’t have an answer.
2. How can I maintain a healthy weight and not become obese? I am not fat by society standards, but I suffer from a severe case of body dysmorphia. I am 5 foot 7 inches tall, weigh somewhere between 130-175 pounds and would describe my body type as a swelling string bean. When I look in the mirror, however, I see myself as having the body of an 300 pound 75 year old woman, wrinkles included. “How can I have so many wrinkles at such a young age,” I cry as I look at my creasing face. I turn around and see my thighs sagging over my knees.
Firstly, I am seeking therapy for my dysmorphic projections. Secondly, to maintain my weight, I must start eating healthier.
I am an emotional eater. I have accepted this. After a long day of work, in combination with the stresses of hating anything to do with love and my inner demonic thoughts, I retreat to my parent’s house, where I scarf down a full course meal with two bowls of ice cream to top it off.
I am talking to the same therapist about my inner demonic thoughts. [Sidenote: Imagine if I really did have inner demonic thoughts? Maybe I shouldn’t even joke about that. Yikes! That’s scary]
To eat better I know I have to cut out or reduce the daily consumption of: [over sugared coffee drinks] [bowls of ice cream] [chipotle burritos] [legs of lamb] [buttered popcorn] [Cheese balls] [String Cheese] [Philly Cheese Steaks made with Steak-ums] [Lobster Bisque] [Pork Fried Rice] [Leftover Salad] [Pierogis] and lastly [Chicken Cutlets in a Dish with Ricotta Cheese, Mozzerrella Cheese, and Parmesan Cheese]
I should run more often. I attempt to run, but look in the mirror beforehand and know such strenuous activity could not be handled by the bones of my 75 year old body.
3. What am I going to do with my life? This is most unimportant of the three. I’d rather arrive to work on time and have a smokin’ body than know what direction I want to take in life. The development of this topic will be ceased.
Only time will tell. Only time will tell. Only time will tell. Only time will tell.Only time will tell. Only time will tell.Only time will tell. Only time will tell.Only time will tell. Only time will tell.Only time will tell. Only time will tell.Only time will tell. Only time will tell.Only time will tell. Only time will tell.Only time will tell. Only time will tell.
Oops my shirt got caught on the copy, then paste button.