Too Lazy to Tie My Own Shoe

I walked 30 New York City blocks to work this morning.

On block 27, I felt my converse sneaker’s shoelace loosen.

I looked down.

If I walked anymore, the lace would become undone. I felt inconvenienced. I didn’t want to bend over and tie it.

As if I were a psychic, I envisioned myself tying the shoe. This would be annoying. New York pedestrians sped walked past me. If I bent over to tie my shoe, I would stop the people traffic; I might get trampled by a businessman.

I was carrying a heavy messenger bag over my chest. My thick knit scarf was making me sweat. I was uncomfortable. I was holding my Iphone in one hand and a medium Iced Coffee in the other.

If I bent over, there was a chance my pants would lower, and I would flash my underwears. Yes I wear multiple pairs of underwear daily. I’m taking 5, or 6 pairs minimum.

Every time I took a step, the back of my heal came out of my shoe.

When I got into Times Square, where I work, the lace untied.

I kicked up my foot to take a picture to show the environment of Times Square and saw the Kathleen Turner, the woman who played Chandler’s “father” on “Friends”.

I arrived to my desk at work and still did not want to tie my shoe. I was exhausted from walking 30 blocks.

I sent a meeting invite to my co-worker, Nathan.

Nathan accepted the meeting invite. But he showed up three minutes late. I was relieved when I saw him.

He got on one knee and tebowed, which is a new sort of planking. I stared at him.

Then he tied my shoe.

His form is absolutely impeccable.

He used his pointer finger to fasten the lace.

Do you see that loop? It is crisp and perfect.

If Nathan wants to become a shoemaker and needs a recommendation letter, I will surely write one for him.

My shoe was now tied.

To thank him, I gave him a pair of scissors.

He collects them.

Special thanks to my professional Iphone photographer Jenny. And to my professional scissor supplier, Meaghan.

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