I am a 23-year-old person. Recently I question if I should be referred to as a Girl, Woman, or Lady. For example, say my co-worker Jenny wanted to describe me [physically]. Maybe I committed a crime and she ratted me out. She’s in the court house willing to spill everything. How would she go about doing so?

1. “The girl is 5 foot 7 1/2′.”
or
2. “The woman has extremely straight teeth”
or
3. “That lady’s has the most defined calf muscles I’ve ever seen before. Search the streets for those calfs!”

Let me first say I am pretty disturbed that Jenny would rat me out so easily. The only way I’d understand her actions, is if I knew she’d been bribed with $500,000+  or a pill that would grant her immortality. Thanks a lot “friend”. Also, I imagine there would be a miscommunication with the phrase “search the streets for those calfs” where squads of police would be looking for pursed lipped infant cows.**

Upon rereading the aforementioned phrases, the status I relate to most is #1. I agree all three are true. I am a girl. All women, no matter what age, are biologically girls.

For example, imagine I were in the reduced-priced clothing store TJ-Max and needed helping finding a shirt size. The worker shouts towards the back of the store, “I need a size X-small for this Lady.” I would first think the woman was partially blind because I am by no means an X-small. I would then question why she referred to me as a Lady.

A person has to mature from a girl, to a woman, to a lady. I am still the girl phase. This goes for men as well, who have to graduate from a boy, to a man, to a sir.

Ways I’ve Noticed I’m Becoming an Adult.

1. I don’t use sugar in my coffee. We all know kids and teenagers put sugar in their coffee because they can’t handle the strong taste. They are wimps. I throw sugar on the ground.

Then kick it for good measure.

2. I hang up my clothes. How much more adult can we get? I actually care about my cleanliness.

3. I have a checkbook; IN MY OWN NAME. “You need some money? Oh,- let me just write you a check.”

When I’m done writing a check, I throw it in the air. You think I care?

Ways I’ve Noticed I’m Still A Child

1. I eat Goldfish Crackers for lunch. They are tasty and cute.`

2. After hanging the piece of clothing up, I throw it on the ground. You think I have time for cleanliness? I also have 16-year-old girl princess furniture in my room. [see green arrows]

3. I ask my mom if I can rip off the check. “Can I actually rip this?” I ask her while she takes my picture.

Looks like I have a lot more growing up to do than I thought. I’m going to look on Craigslist for a life mentor. Unless anyone wants to be my life mentor?

**This is a message for my blog readers out there. You may notice I reference the calf/baby cow joke a lot. Yes, it is one I go back to and visit many a time, like an elderly Aunt. Please know I am aware of my habits, I just think the joke is extremely hilarious.