My Unnecessary Worries

My life, and probably yours too, is filled with unnecessary worries.

This morning, I swiped my metro and stepped onto the Express bus. I try to sit in a seat with no one next to me. This allows me to spread out my backpack, messenger bag, and the motorcycle helmet I carry everywhere just in case. Sitting alone, I do not have to worry about the well being of the person sitting next to me. I do not have to think: Are our arms touching? Will I fall asleep and trap the him/her into their window seat? Is the person getting offended by my hot dog toes because I am sitting crossed-legged wearing sandals and have chubby feet?

I walked down the aisle and visually stalked seated commuters. Who am I going to sit next to? I saw an empty aisle seat next to a girl around my age [23]. She had light brown hair and wore a teal dress, knee length. Her eyes were glued to her blackberry. I assumed it was the result of an unfortunate krazee glue accident. She is addicted to technology just like me, I thought. Like a Vampiress, I chose her as my victim. Her purse and a small Godiva chocolate bag rested on the empty seat next to her.  I hovered over the seat. She saw me peripherally but didn’t move her bags. She acted as if she were blind. I coughed. She moved her bags and I sat without turning her head once. I leaned towards the aisle and put the motorcycle helmet between my feet.

I felt badly for sitting next to her. I felt guilty for making her move her bags. I felt like she was mad at me.

I started to read Stephen Colbert’s I Am America (And So Can You!). Which reminds me it is overdue. I need to call the library to renew it. The girl stared at her blackberry. I stopped reading. I realized I worry too much over things I do not need to be worrying about. Who gives a cocker spaniels ass if that girl gets annoyed that I asked her to move her belongings when I paid $5.50 to ride the bus. ‘Twas an empty seat. I can sit wherever I please. It’s not like I was hand feeding myself cold spaghetti while couging.

I bite my nails when I worry.

This bus event today prompted me to make three lists. One of Necessary Worries. One Unnecessary worries. One of Uncategorizable Worries.

Necessary Worries
– Do I have enough money on my metro card?
– Should I regulate my bank statement more closely?
–  Is my grandma strong physically strong enough to get her missing front teeth replaced?
– Do I spend too much time looking at the computer screen?
– Where is my missing journal? Who is going to find it? Will they judge me based off what they read?
– What if I sneeze and a fart comes out?

Unnecessary Worries
– Should I include an exclamation mark after the word “Thanks” in my work email?
– Should I say “God Bless You” to strangers?
– If I am stuck in traffic and have a haircut appointment, should I cancel the appointment? What if the hairdresser was going to use the tip money to feed her sick children?
– Do my cubicle mates think I chew my salad croutons too loudly?
– What if I’m eating an orange at my desk and the phone rings but my hands are all sticky?
– What if I don’t space my meals and snacks correctly and get hungry, but have no food to eat?

Not Sure Where These Worries Fall
– Why are my feet so chubby?
– I see specs of dirt in the Brita water pitcher…AFTER IT’S BEEN FILTERED.
– Do I spend too much money on coffee at Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts, when I can just make my own in the work pantry?
– I killed four ants this morning that were in my house. Their life was in my hands. Now they’re dead.
– Why do I have such a hard time paying attention when my sister tells me stories about kids from her third grade class?
– Do Catelynn and Tyler miss the baby they gave up for adoption on Teen Mom?
– How embarrassed will I be due to using word “fart” in this blog?

Creating these lists have been life changing. I’ve come to realize I have more worries than I even thought I had in the first place. I’m suing.